how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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