I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
