Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
