plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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