all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
