I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
