how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
