Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
