I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
