I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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