Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
