I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
