It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
