can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
