two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
