So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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