You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
