I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
