I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
