He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
