This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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