john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
pray to the hookup gods
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
