If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
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