Me. At least after what I've been through.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
