I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
