Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
