i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
porn star boner night. come get it.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
