i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
