i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
