All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
