Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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