A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
