It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
