You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
