So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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