i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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