why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Can you bring me the toilet please
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
