Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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