May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
