What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
