i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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