It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
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