So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
