My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
