All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
