Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
