haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
