Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
