3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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