Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
