OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
