i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
