definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
